I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
