I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
