I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I just want to make out with him forever
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
