After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize