we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
The uberlube is also flammable
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
