Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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