That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
