just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
