so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
