You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
