Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
