Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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