my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Fuck appropriateness.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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