Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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