miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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