Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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