So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
