Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
