she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
