There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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