just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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