I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
