He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize