i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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