My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
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