this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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