If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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