12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
