don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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