this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
