i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
