Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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