He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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