Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
