you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
