6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
