you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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