So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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