Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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