Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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