for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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