it hurts more in the daytime
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
