I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Jerry, you need to find god
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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