so that wasnt chicken after all
please come you make the beer taste better
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
