smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
