if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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