'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
