My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
