There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
