I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
