Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
