I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
