its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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