i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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