Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
