Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
