Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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