woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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