apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
