Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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